MOORMANISM #17, 5-18-72 From McleansboroTimes Leader McLeansboro, Illinois

I heard that George had taken the final step, but when I went to the funeral home I was told that George had gotten married.

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I live with my aunt and she keeps a clean house. She tells me her cat Ginger keeps the

mice cleaned up. I guess I live in a house with cleaned up mice. ..........

A friend of mine was walking the streets inebriated. He walked into a lamp post, busted his snozzle, looked up and said, “Don’t tell me you ain’t home! You got a light on upstairs!” Ira E. Moorman.

Three humorous Moormanisms.

MOORMANISM #16, 5-11-72 From McLeansboro Times Leader, McLeansboro, Illinois

My cousin says her water is so hard that every time she takes a drink she bruises her throat.

My father’s sister told her youngsters that success comes in cans, not can’ts.

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She also said, “If you do not have a dream, it will not come true.”

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It takes a person who looks carefully to hear the silent screaming for help that comes from another’s heart. Ira E. Moorman.

I am not sure if Hank was beginning to be paid with this first edition of Moormanisms. Joe Aaron, in his column of November 3, 1972, mentioned that because of public response, Hank was given column space under the heading Moormanisms. In this issue Hank mixed a joke with 3 paragraphs of philosophical insights. 

MOORMANISM #15, 4-27-72 From McLeansboro Times Leader, McLeansboro, Illinois

A kid asked me where he could go fishing. The first thing he should do is find some water. ..........

In the thirties I used to see many bullfrogs. Today the type of bullfrog I see is one sitting at the bar or “humped up” in a card game.

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I met a gal last night that I thought I wanted to know better. Finally I heard her tell her

friend that she only played with half dollars, and then she gave me a 25 cent look. ..........

I don’t pass on the highways nowadays because I saw a sign saying “pass with care”. I ain’t got no “care”. Ira E. Moorman.

He took a simple sign, Pass With Care, to really express what he was feeling. 

MOORMANISM #14, 4-13-72 From Mcleansboro Times Leader, Mcleansboro, Illinois

It has been said that every dog has his day. This ol’ dog would like one more.

A very intriguing thing happened yesterday at Carbondale. I saw a kid with a haircut like mine.

One man told me he didn’t understand my jokes. At least it isn’t costing him anything.

I think I know what has messed up the beer. It’s the draft. Ira E. Moorman

In these jokes, Hank again is asking to be heard by making fun of long hair. He also makes a joke about him paying the paper to place his jokes and comments in. 

MOORMANISM #13, 3-16-72 From Mcleansboro Times Leader, Mcleansboro, Illinois

Letter to the Editor 

Dear Sir: 

This year I was going to organize a traveling Khoury League team, and I was going to get what money I could and pay the rest myself. Five showed.

I wanted once again to see a few real athletes, but to be dogmatic, I actually feel sorry for kids here who want to become athletes because I am sorry to say it doesn’t come easy, yet I know I won’t convince you of that or some of you parents.

You don’t want to run the track or you are too busy watching television or you like to “goof off” in softball, Indian ball, or the pinball machine, or you like to scrimmage with the basketball, and when you scrimmage you like to plow into one another. You don’t throw the baseball enough, and you cannot see how that would help you in other sports and I see no reason to tell you why.

Some of you could make good money in sports, yet determination and desire are not there, and we could forget you if we had a large pick. Also, most of you who would like to be athletes are hauled around as if you were an invalid.

Also I have asked some of you to do certain tasks to improve your efficiency in sports and you think I am nuts and trying to entertain you.

Also, I have told some of you what softball does for young boys and you refuse to believe it. A baseball man told me to “forget it, because they won’t believe you.”

In years gone by and now, many of you parents will blame the high school coaches, yet in most cases you blamers have done nothing to help your kid. Fact is, you don’t know how. In grades, especially in the country school, when the correct help is so important, the kid gets softball training and gets hauled around like an invalid.

Finally, some of you parents have griped so much that you have almost killed Little League and Khoury League baseball.

 Another thing that I have noticed with interest, as long as your kid is playing you come to the games, and when your kid is gone we see you no more.

Last year I saw thirty little boys come out for baseball and more than half of them couldn’t throw. Why?

I am going to do what I have been told, forget it. And finally, one can umpire a game because you want it called as you see it, and you are never wrong. Since my kid is gone, you’ll see me no more in sports.

When you get 18 and you do not get an athletic scholarship, please don’t come around and say “I wish...” Ira E. Moorman.

This letter to the editor was Hank saying goodbye to sports, which I think he had already done the year before. He then would be devoted to two of his loves, nature and writing. 

MOORMANISM #12, 3-16-72, From Mcleansboro Times Leader, Mcleansboro, Illinois

I want to run for governor or senator in a few years. The reason I won’t is I might make it. Ira E. Moorman.

I met a man the other day and he was inebriated. He said, “When I get over this one, I’m going to get on a good one.” Ira E. Moorman.

Humor! In addition to what I will post here from time to time, other publications have stories of Hank. He used to frequent Irene's cafe, Now if I remember correctly, Irene wrote an article or two about Hank for the local Goshen Trails publication many years ago. I will not post those here, so that Ryan Nelson and the local historical society can sell the hard bound copy they have had printed. Contact Ryan or if you already have a copy, then look in the index for the articles.

MOORMANISM #11, 3-9-72, From Mcleansboro Times Leader, Mcleansboro, Illinois

Last week a friend of mine told me of a stalled motorist in East St. Louis who raised his hood to let people know he was in trouble. He had a back tire flat. He heard a commotion up front, and a guy was taking out his battery. “What gives?” he said. The other said, “It’s ok buddy; you get the tires and I’ll get the battery.” Ira E. Moorman.

Last week a friend of mine told me of a stalled motorist that asked if his car would start. “Yes,” he said, “but Slam Bam the running.” Ira E. Moorman

This was the beginning of Hank running more than one joke. 

MOORMANISM # 10, 3-2-72, From Mcleansboro Times Leader, Mcleansboro, Illinois

Last week a friend of mine went into a market and sausage was 87 cents. He said he went to Benton and bought the same sausage for 57 cents. Now how did that same sausage get to Benton before he did? Ira E. Moorman.

Hank was beginning to find his gift of humor with this one. He would have an uncanny knack of taking a simple statement that we all might make and then poking fun at it. 

MOORMANISM #9, 2-24-72, from McLeansboro Times Leader, McLeansboro Illinois

Last week a friend of mine told me I was getting better looking. Now it was either that or he is going blind. Ira E. Moorman.